Can You Hear Me Now

This wretched brain gave way, and I became a wreck at random driven, without one glimpse of reason or heaven.

Thomas Moore

Linda and I are up at Lake Sallie for our annual cabin opening extended weekend. This involves cleaning up mouse poop, putting patio furniture back into place, coordinating with plumbers and dock installers, taking the pontoon boat out of storage, restocking the cabins with cleaning supplies, and performing maintenance on anything that broke over the long winter months. This year the latter includes installing a new solenoid on one of the refrigerators and repairing a slightly broken picnic table.

I say all this as an excuse/reason why I am not writing my typical 1300 to 1500 word treatise on a (mostly) single subject. However, rather than not writing anything at all (there’s that Catholic guilt rearing its head again), I am going to expound on a few random thoughts.

So, in no particular order, here are a few things running around my brain.

Becoming

In last week’s church sermon, Reverend Oscar said something similar to the following:

It’s not important that you like who you are today as it is to love who you are striving to be.

While I can’t say I haven’t played with that thought before, it really hit home with me this time around. Like too many people, I suffer from the occasional “Why do I keep screwing up?” or “What’s wrong with me?” They typically show up after I do or say something I’ve told myself I will never do or say that again. This is despite my knowing that “never” is an impossible thing. It’s the mistaken belief that I am some kind of omnipotent being who has absolute power over the universe.

What I do have control over is the man I would like to become. Not the man I will become. That’s that absolute power thing again. I may or may not find the ways to manage everything I would like to change about myself, but that will not stop me from working towards those changes. I am able to envision the person I am striving to be and there is much to love about him — warts and all.

Two poles of a magnet
a wave called to the shore
I am drawn and tethered
helpless, yet willing

Like a child
or a man who knows what he wants
and what he has
searching for the point of intersection

Teamwork

One of the changes I am working on is getting better at asking for help. I tend to think that I can go it alone and that doesn’t work out all that well.

I got the pontoon boat back on the lift Friday afternoon and Saturday morning looked like a good time to put on the canopy. The wind was minimal and the temperature was neither too hot nor too cold. Linda was getting ready to drive to the nearby community center to lift weights and she told me that if I waited until her return, she could help. It’s a big and heavy canopy and although I have put it on by myself in the past, it’s hard work. Even so, I said “I’m good” and wished her a productive weight lifting session.

Growth is never by mere chance; it is the result of forces working together. James Cash Penney

By myself, I managed to get the bulky canopy out of the garage, down to the dock, and partway onto the lift. That was when Mother Nature decided that the world was far too calm and so she summoned up a pretty hefty wind. The canopy immediately became a sail and I had to use all my strength to keep it from blowing into the lake. Trust me, that would not have been a good thing.

Thankfully, I had a phone in my pocket and with one hand holding tight to the canopy, I called Linda. Fortunately, she had not yet left for the club and graciously came down to hold the blowing canopy while I fixed two opposite corners into place. We then worked together clamping the canopy to the lift.

A disaster diverted, a job well done, and yet another lesson in “Despite all my allusions of grandeur, I cannot do it all.” Repeat saying that until it sinks in.

Alone
I am little more than a random collection of words
connect them to expose my aspirations
my downfalls
my dreams, desires, fantasies, strengths
my weaknesses
my fears

But together
with your words and mine
we become poetry
for the language of two
is the verse
and rhyme
of a tome far sweeter
than any one soul
could ever endeavor to write
alone

Listen, Do You Want To Know a Secret

I love my different men’s groups for so many different reasons. The friendship, conversation, laughter, and times when I am forced to do some serious thinking keep me coming back for more. One such case of the latter occurred a few weeks ago. In response to what someone said, my friend, Dave, responded with:

Are you looking for feedback or do you just want to be heard?

As someone who tends to want to fix everything that comes my way, his words hit me in a very profound way. All too often I offer advice when advice is the last thing that’s wanted. Keeping my mouth shut is not a skill I excel at.

Trees are the earth’s endless effort to speak to the listening heaven. Rabindranath Tagore

The crazy thing is that I am not someone who particularly craves unsolicited opinions. While I sometimes might ask “What do you think I should do,” there are many more times that I just want to be heard. I have found that saying something out-loud is all the catalyst I need to point my thoughts in the right direction.

The lesson here is to listen, ask questions, and keep my thoughts to myself unless they are asked for.

False Flags

Lake Sallie is deep in the heart of MAGA country. Although counting red vs. blue yard signs in the last election led me to believe that the tide was turning, that turned out to be a busted balloon. Trump won overwhelmingly in this rural, predominantly white county.

So, it came as no surprise that the Detroit Lakes City Council voted to stop flying the new Minnesota state flag (which I happen to love) and return to the old one. For some crazy reason, they feel that the new flag is too woke — whatever that means. They even claim it looks too much like the Somali flag and we know how much they hate the Somali people. They grew up with a racist, poorly designed flag and are sticking with it.

Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible. Maya Angelou

I cringe every time I bike pass City Hall or the Police Station and see the old flag, but I remind myself that one day these closed-minded, angry, white racists along with their prejudices will eventually die off. That’s a sad hope to hang on to, but it’s all I have right now.

That and my more progressive lake neighbors who aren’t afraid to take a stand against ignorance and fear.

Back to Work

Is that enough randomness for you? While I may not have said anything outstanding (that’s assuming I occasionally do), I managed to come up with 1300 plus words to post this Monday morning. As a Cancer, I like my routines and my day would have felt off if I didn’t follow through on my commitment.

Thank you again fall-away Catholic guilt. You served me well this time around. However, it is now time to get back to work. Those boat lift wheels aren’t going to put themselves under the tool shed on their own.

Thank you for reading

That would be me
the long legged shorebird
running between the safety of sand
and the turmoil of churned water

One toe here
one toe there
hopping from firm to uncertain
liquid to fixed

Caught in the maelstrom of random confusion