Can You Hear Me Now

All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

Charles M. Schultz

Want (verb): To wish, crave, demand, or desire.

Need (verb): To require.

The way I read the newspaper hasn’t changed in a very long time. I begin with a quick glance at the front page before turning to the letters to the editor and op-ed pages. After reading everything there that catches my eye, I then go to the comics section. I will eventually get back to reading through most of the main section articles, but I do it at a more leisurely pace.

The strange thing is that despite it being high on my go-to list, I rarely find much of interest in the comics. I am not sure if it’s me or the quality of the present day strips, but I rarely laugh at the so-called funny ones, stay away from the overly wordy ones (sorry Doonesbury), and don’t bother keeping up with the serials. While 12-year-old Andrew read everything, adult Andrew is far more discerning. These days, the comics section has become more nostalgia than entertainment.

At the top of the nostalgia list is Peanuts. I am pretty sure that I have seen every strip at least once, but a good Charlie Brown and Linus philosophical discussion of life still holds meaning to me. Depending on my state of being, I can easily see myself in either one of them.

Oh, who am I kidding? I am Charlie Brown to the core — with a dash of Pig Pen.

Outside of nostalgia, I am a half fan of Arlo and Janis. I say half fan because there are quite a few duds — way too many cat jokes. However, when the creator, Jimmy Johnson, gets it right, it’s as if he pulled the story and dialogue out of my head.

Arlo and Janis is ultimately about marriage, and like all marriages, the relationship between Arlo and Janis is complicated. There is a lot of love, but there is also a lot of two committed people trying to make sense of each other. Case in point was the comic strip from last Wednesday.

I grew up hearing that to want something is to be selfish. Whether it was the 1960’s “Finish your dinner. There are people starving in China” mantra, or old fashioned Catholic guilt, I felt bad for wanting something I was told I did not need.

• As a young teenager, I wanted to learn to play guitar. Dad said, “Music is a waste of time. It will never get you a job. You need to stick to math and science.”
• I wanted braces for my crooked teeth. Dad said, “Boys don’t get braces. You need to stop being so vain.”
• Several years ago, I wanted to reinvent my career by moving into a marketing position. Despite the Director of Marketing’s approval of the move, a company executive who shall remain unnamed said, “That’s not your place. You need to stick to programming.”

All too often, someone else’s requirements/needs superseded my wishes and dreams.

Ultimately, when wants are ignored or diminished, they will be expressed in unhealthy ways. Emotions come out sideways when they are not properly felt and expressed.

Fun fact: For most of my life, the weekday comics were black and white and only the Sunday comics were in color. A few weeks ago, The Minnesota Star Tribune introduced color seven days a week and I am still not sure what to think about that. While color provides an interesting twist, it feels as if the pages are too busy. What works well with the longer Sunday strips might not be right for the much smaller weekday versions.

Arlo, Janis, and Me

It’s not hard to see myself living in Arlo’s shoes. Like me, he excels at the happy emotions and looks for easy answers to difficult questions. While he can get moody, he mostly sees life as rainbows and unicorns.

A major theme of the strip is the joy that Arlo takes from simple pleasures. After decades of marriage, Arlo’s heart still flutters at the sight of Janis in a nightgown .

Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach? Greta Garbo

Janis, on the other hand, understands that you cannot have rainbows without dark clouds, thunder, lightening, and rain. Something or somebody has to get wet. Arlo wants to smooth things over while Janis isn’t afraid to let Arlo know when she is annoyed or feeling unsettled.

In short, Arlo wants and Janis needs.

Like all good artistic expression, last Wednesday’s comic worked on several different levels. First, it was funny and that alone made it standout from most of the others. Who doesn’t want a good laugh every now and then?

Second, it made me ask myself if I would have been able to respond in the same way to Janis’ request. Honestly, I am not sure if I would have found Arlo’s courage.

Lastly, it compelled me to look beyond the comic and do what I am doing right now — ponder what it would take for me to move ever so slightly forward in my emotional landscape. How can I prioritize my wants regardless of what I or others think I need? How can I unlearn want as another word for selfish? What am I not asking for and how might that be affecting my life?

How do I learn to accept, express, and celebrate my inner Arlo without pangs of guilt?

This is how the seed is tended
how the tree rises up from earthen loam
an idea that ever grows stronger
soon consuming all waking thought
a want that slowly makes its way to need

This is how the lake will swell
after a million drops of rain
this is how it comes to an end
bursting

Seeking Balance

The last thing I want to do is self-legitimize a hedonistic lifestyle run by excessive wants. I simply want (there’s that word again) to find a balance whereby my wants are given a little more attention and prioritization. I understand myself well enough these days to know that I would not allow them to rule my life. I know the difference between just enough and greed.

Shortly after reading the comic, I sought Linda out and told her, “I want a hug.” Since I was having a good morning and nothing overly difficult was pressing on my heart or mind, want was exactly the right word. Thankfully, she had no problem in fulfilling my wish and we both started the day feeling wanted and ultimately, needed.

It’s funny, yet wonderful, how often life can work out that way. Of course, that’s the rainbows and unicorns in me talking.

It’s now your turn, dear readers. How do you manage your wants and needs? Are you afraid to express them? How is it working out for you? Are you balanced or do you feel yourself leaning too far in one direction?

Most importantly, are you an Arlo or a Janis?

Thank you for reading.

This room
silent save for the sound of breathing
dark save for the light in our eyes
empty save for the fullness of the heart

When hand wants no more than the grip of another
and a chest wants the warmth of the same
when two bodies come together asking only for trust and surrender

As a drop of water is to an ocean
or a grain of sand to Sahara
what use are words here in this space
where words are not needed