Can You Hear Me Now

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck

Thursday will be my first Christmas without Mom. I have been facing this realization since her death earlier in the year, but the awareness has become more intense with each passing day. I can’t stop thinking about the tacky decorations she brought out year after year, her cherished tree ornaments, the stories she told of her childhood Christmases, and the foods she only made for Christmas Eve dinner — especially the foods. Although Mom wasn’t the greatest of cooks (and was quick to admit that), she knew how to make some things really well and for the most part, those dishes were served up on holidays.

These were not what most Americans would consider fancy foods. Mom was Polish and that meant lots of butter, cabbage, potatoes, and meat — often all four in the same concoction. The food was spiced, but never what you would call spicy. Lots of marjoram, dill, and paprika, and very little, if any, of the hot spices like cayenne.

The staples of Mom’s Christmas Eve dinner were perogies, golumpki (also called Gołąbki ), and haluski. She may have augmented those with a baked ham, but for me the Polish dishes were the main event. Everything else was an afterthought. All year long I craved Mom’s perogies and could easily scarf down a half dozen of those cheesy, potato dumpling delights.

Most of us have fond memories of food from our childhood. Whether it was our mom’s homemade lasagna or a memorable chocolate birthday cake, food has a way of transporting us back to the past. Homaro Cantu

Even better than the main meal were the sweets and at the top of that list were her poppy seed and nut rolls. Thankfully, Mom made enough to last several days after Christmas. However, once they were gone, I had to wait 12 months before she brought out her rolling pin and honey jar again.

Between the noise and chaos
the frantic fury of daily struggles and strife
amongst and among the petty quarrels
the tiny sorrows and the pain

Between and betwixt them all
I leave space in my heart
safe and secure
for you
for love
a quiet place of refuge in an all too troubled world

After moving from Arizona to Minnesota in the early 1980s, Mom’s Christmas Eve dinners were mostly enjoyed in my mind. I never took the time to learn her recipes and the foods I knew so well as a child were mostly foreign to my kids. I did attempt to introduce oplatek (Polish Christmas wafers) to my Minnesota family, but they were hard to find and failed to find a home here in the frozen north. The Internet has now made them easy to buy, but no such thing existed when my sons were youngsters.

Gather Near to us Once More

Mom’s passing made me realize the importance of finally bringing a few of my favorite childhood memories to my grown children and their families. They will never know her Christmas dinners firsthand, but there is no reason why they cannot experience some of her culinary legacy. I can do for my grandchildren what I did not do for my sons.

Sadly, Mom never took the time to write down her recipes and sadder still, I did not ask her to. Since my memories are still very vivid, though, and I am a halfway decent cook, I began a quest to reinvent them.

I started with her nut rolls. Thankfully, I found quite a few recipes on the Internet, and after comparing several, I came up with my own that looks and tastes close enough to Mom’s. She was liberal with the honey and was more concerned with taste than presentation — although her presentation left nothing to be desired to an 8-year-old, very hungry Andrew.

This isn’t a fancy recipe blog so I will spare you the step-by-step, glossy photographs and get right down to business. This is the “Skip to Recipe” without having to click anything or wade through all the annoying ads.

Here are the ingredients, instructions, and a composite photo that takes you from dough ball to finished product. This recipe makes two rolls and you will be lucky if they last longer than a day or two.

Dough:

• 3+ cups all-purpose flour — I use Bob’s Red Mill Organic Unbleached White Flour
• 1.5 tablespoons sugar — feel free to use non-traditional sugars like coconut and date
• .5 teaspoon salt
• 1.5 teaspoons of baking yeast
• .5 cup sour cream
• .25 cup water
• .5 cup butter (one stick)
• 2 eggs at room temperature

Filling:

• .5 cup butter
• .5 cup honey
• 2.5 cups ground walnuts
• 1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
• .5 teaspoon of Ceylon cinnamon

Instructions:

• Mix 2 cups flour, sugar, salt and yeast in a large mixing bowl.
• Combine sour cream, water and butter; heat to between 120° to 130°F. (Note: butter may not melt completely).
• Gradually add to dry ingredients and beat for 2 minutes at medium speed of electric mixer.
• Add eggs and 1 cup flour.
• If necessary, slowly add additional flour to make a soft dough.
• Turn out onto lightly floured surface; knead 8 to 10 minutes to form a ball.
• Cover and let dough rest 10 minutes.
• For the filling, melt butter over low heat. Stir in sugar, honey, cinnamon, and vanilla extract. Add walnuts and blend well. Set aside. Feel free to add more honey if the mixture seems too dry.
• Divide dough into 2 equal pieces.
• Roll out each piece into a 14 x 12-inch rectangle.
• Spread each with an equal amount of nut filling.
• Roll each up from the long side; seal edges.
• Place on parchment lined baking sheets; sealed edges down. Cover. If using the same baking sheet for multiple rolls, keep plenty of distance between rolls. They will expand during baking.
• Let rolls rise in a warm, draft free place until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.
• Optional: Brush rolls with egg wash.
• Using a chopstick, poke five to six holes into each roll. Push the chopstick fully through the roll. This helps prevent the roll from cracking during baking.
• Bake rolls at 350°F for 35 minutes, or until crust is a golden brown. Remove from baking sheets and cool on wire racks.

I sincerely believe that Mom would be happy with what I was able to put together. I only wish she was still around to enjoy a slice or two — and gently tell me what I got wrong.

Here We Are as in Olden Days

I admit that traditional Polish food doesn’t have much in common with my current diet. There is way too much fat, white flour, and meat. Although I occasionally augment my mostly vegetarian diet with chicken and fish, I completely avoid red meat. No kielbasa for me. Still, there is no reason why I cannot figure out a way to reimagine Mom’s golumpki (stuffed cabbage) into something more akin to the way I eat these days. Thankfully, as a retired guy who loves to cook (and eat), I have the time to be creative.

As Christmas day draws near, take some time to think about your birth family foods and traditions — even those that have nothing to do with Christmas. Which ones are still with you and which ones have you allowed to slip away. It’s never too late to bring a few back to life. Reawaken the child within you. It worked for me.

Thank you for the wonderful, tasty memories, Mom. You and they are sorely missed.

Thank you for reading.

P.S. The photograph at the top of this article is very meaningful to me. In addition to Mom’s radiant smile, it foreshadows my career in communications — my fate in faded black and white.

P.P.S.

Before I began this adventure, I asked my sisters if they had Mom’s recipes for poppy seed and nut rolls. They did not. However, a few hours after I pressed publish, my youngest sister found one. Sadly, she only has a recipe for the dough. The recipes for the filling had completely disintegrated. Even so, I am thrilled she was able to come up with something. I also love seeing her handwriting again.

Looking at it, I am reminded that Mom’s rolls were much longer than what I made. I used 3 cups of flour for two medium sized loaves and she used 7 cups for two big ones.

By the way, I will stick with my recipe. I am not a Crisco guy and she used way more sugar than I care for. It appears that no one was concerned about their A1C level back then.

Love letters written on recipe cards
wants, needs, obsessions, desires
a little of this, just enough of that

From heart to hand
the precise instructions for longing and laughter
delight and surrender

Serving size the world