Can You Hear Me Now

It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

Joni Mitchell

I grew up in the Arizona desert where seeing snow required a long car ride. I have very strong memories of driving from my home in the Phoenix valley to Flagstaff and seeing small white patches along the roadside. I must have been six or seven the first time and to me it was the most amazing thing I could possibly imagine. I literally begged Dad to stop the car so I could go out and play in it. It didn’t matter if it was hardly more than a dusting. How would I know that? It was frozen, white, fluffy water and I just had to experience it.

Years later, I find myself living in Minnesota and while I’ve seen more of winter than my childhood brain ever imagined possible, my amazement with the season has not diminished. I no longer feel the urge to stop the car and play in every passing snow bank. If that were the case I would never get past my garage from December to April. Still, part of me is utterly and completely enthralled by frozen water that falls from the sky.

Out my window against a canvas of winter white
I see an army of dry brown oak leaves
abandoned soldiers
bravely clinging to their posts
until their replacements arrive early next spring

I Wish I had a River

As far back as I can remember, I have loved the mystique of ice skating. I am certain that my fascination goes back to the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. I was enthralled seeing the Peanuts gang gliding across a frozen pond — especially Snoopy’s crack the whip. A few years later it was watching Cary Grant take Loretta Young out on the ice in one of my very favorite Christmas movies, The Bishop’s Wife. Interestingly enough, the skating scene is the only part of the the film that was included in the very unusual trailer.

My infatuation with skating certainly didn’t come from seeing it first hand. Outside of those rare winter trips into the mountains, the only ice I ever saw came in form of cubes in a glass. While they were a nice way to enjoy sun tea on a fiery summer afternoon, the experience was pretty low on the fun scale.

I moved to the land of 10,000 frozen lakes in 1983, but it took many years to summon enough nerve to try skating myself. I was still in awe when I saw people out on the ice, but it didn’t seem like something I was remotely capable of doing. Maybe I thought I was too old and far too uncoordinated to learn. I certainly felt shy about fumbling around on the ice and looking like who I was – an Arizona doofus. Still, the attraction was overwhelming and I eventually ran out of reasons why I shouldn’t get out there and try it myself. I bought a pair of skates, asked my Minnesota wife to help get me started, and headed off to the nearest rink.

It wasn’t easy at first. Far from it. I really did look like an old Arizona doofus, but I kept at it…and at it…and at it until one day I found that I was actually skating. It didn’t matter how awkward I felt and most certainly looked. It also didn’t matter that eight-year-olds with hockey sticks were whizzing past me like a swarm of bumblebees. I was gliding along on a slippery sheet of ice and for the most part, not falling.

This video is a little old, but it’s the only visual proof that I learned how to skate backwards.

Over the years, I’ve spent many hours skating on both indoor and outdoor rinks, but I have a strong preference for being outside. I especially love skating at night under a blanket of stars. There is an outdoor rink in Detroit Lakes (as seen in the above video) that is absolutely magical after the sun goes down. That’s when I am truly feeling the Charlie Brown Christmas calling.

Old Dog, Emerald Isle Tricks

As much as this article might seem a little like bragging, it’s only me reminding myself to follow my dreams. I will never be a great skater (the hockey stop still scares me), but that’s not the point. The point is not being afraid to be what I want to be no matter how long I have been something completely different.

Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. Linus Van Pelt (by way of Charles Schultz)

I cannot help but think of the dreams I have yet to fulfill. I have been teaching myself Irish banjo for nearly three years now, but still haven’t worked up the nerve to play with others. It’s not for lack of ability. I am by no means a professional, but I can hold my own on quite a few jigs, reels, and hornpipes. Like skating, I need to put aside my fear of failing and get my butt out on the (symbolic) ice. I will fall, but it won’t break me. If I say that long enough I may finally believe it.

Fun fact: While out snowshoeing, Linda and I came upon this incredible rink on nearby Pickerel Lake. We returned the following day with our oldest son and his family for the most amazing day of skating ever. We later learned that it was actually created by a radio-controlled car club as a challenge course for their races.

Goals, Pathways, and Agency

Dr. Brené Brown said:

“Hope is not an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process. Emotions play a supporting role, but hope is really a thought process made up of what C. R. Snyder calls a trilogy of goals, pathways, and agency.”

That has certainly been my journey to skating. Success on the ice required me to:

• Goals: Fully embrace my desire to learn how to skate.
• Pathways: Buy skates. Find people willing to help get me started. Find a rink with open skate days and times that work for me.
• Agency: Believe that I can and will learn how to skate.

Did I realize that was what I was doing? Absolutely not. My journey was far more chaotic and thereby, quite slow. However, now that I understand the flow, I need to begin applying this trilogy to all my hopes. Some will take a lot of time, energy, and butt landings. Others will be far more achievable with far less effort.

I really do want to play banjo with others and I am well aware of the fact that the nearby Celtic Center has weekly sessions for beginner musicians. Both the goal and pathways are in place. All I have left is to believe in my ability to succeed. Believe that even if/when I stumble, I will one day meet my goal. Step and glide. Step and glide.

How many of your dreams are still unconsummated? Are you ready to finally face your fears and start skating away?

Thank you for reading.

Making Snow Angels in the Dark

The air is brisk and the wind is biting
cheeks burn as toes and fingers tingle
high above a field of stars
below a blanket of new fallen snow

And somewhere in-between a hectic hurried me
with errands to run and a schedule to keep
falling to the ground
with arms crazed and legs possessed
convulsing
thrashing
leaving the mark of the boy child man