There is an eternal landscape, a geography of the soul; we search for its outlines all our lives.
Josephine Hart
This missive is part of my Coming of Age series of articles. If you haven’t been following along and would like to know what this is all about, you can find the previous articles here:
The Search for Something More
Last week I formally began working on the second of the five Coming of Age questions:
What is the nature of the higher power?
I say formally since I have been on this on and off journey since I left the Catholic church in my early teens. I knew what I didn’t want, but was uncertain as to what I wanted. This led to years of questions, denial, acceptance, more denial, and still more questions. Every time I felt I had finally stumbled on the answer, yet another doubt would lead me back to the starting point. I wanted surety to something that was destined to be forever shrouded in mystery.
However, I never got to where I wanted to quit. My search may have gone dormant from time to time, but the urge to keep trying was always there. Although I didn’t quite know what I wanted, I knew I wanted something.
This time around, I am framing the process around these six questions. They are essentially the questions the youth in a Coming of Age program answer.
- What is meant by a higher power?
- Are humans wired to search for or believe in higher powers?
- What are the universal elements of belief systems across cultures and the ages?
- How do humans determine the presence or dynamics of a higher power?
- How do I experience my higher power?
- How does my higher power concept impact my life?
Rather than turning this into an academic exercise, I want my journey to be a personal experience leaving room for the unknowable. I can only speak my truths and inner pondering. Questions beyond the above will arise during the journey, but that’s fine. I am asking something of myself that can never be fully resolved — at least to my scientific, engineering mind. More questions simply means I am allowing the process to take me ever deeper.
Let’s get started and see where this goes.
What is Meant by a Higher Power?
In its most basic sense, a higher power can be anything as long as it’s not me. I do not say this flippantly. There have been too many times in my life where I was the center of my universe. I knew what I wanted despite all rational signs pointing in the opposite direction. My higher power was my ego and my ego was often selfish, self-centered, and afraid to look for outside help.
I now look at a higher power as something beyond me. At the same time, it’s not a distant, white-robed man that sits above the world in judgment. It’s not vindictive, dogmatic, angry, shaming, or spiteful. It does not hurl thunderbolts or cause the earth to open up and swallow me whole. While I might be metaphorically capable of doing those things to myself, they are not the work of a higher power. They are what happens when the ego runs amok.
Unlike most religious gods, I don’t see a higher power as an omnipotent being. It’s not something that makes people do or not do something. In my world, a higher power does not save people from burning buildings or make oncoming cars swerve away just before collision. It might tell me to take actions (like jump or get out of the way), but the taking is my choice. I am not a believer in preordained destiny.
I do not assign gender to a higher power. It is not he, him, she, her, or even they. Neither is it something that was fashioned in my image. It just is.
Morning Oatmeal
Some people are never happy
they search and they search
for what
who knows?
this one is too little, that one is too big
this one is too rounded, that one is too square
they waste their lives
passing up, passing by, and passing over
more than anyone has a right to ignore
Now, I know that you’re not fancy
and some will say I could do better
but for what it’s worth
you are all I really need
and personally
I’ve stopped searching
Are Humans Wired to Search for or Believe in Higher Powers?
It certainly seems that way to me. Human don’t like uncertainty. We want to put reasons to things beyond our understanding or control.
“Why are we here? Where did we come from? What is our purpose? Where do we go next?”
These are questions that have no worldly answers, so we create Gods to help us navigate the unknown and unknowable. Humans want something or someone they can hold responsible for everything from a good crop to winning a war. The phrase, “God on our side” has been used to justify actions both righteous and horrific.
Higher powers provide comfort during terrible times. We pray for healing. We pray to stay alive. We pray to change things we feel we cannot change on our own.
We also want to know we are not alone in a world that can make us feel very lonely. I know this is true for me. I want something I can lean into and when I get stuck, point me in a new direction.
What are the Universal Elements of Belief Systems Across Cultures and the Ages?
I see these commonalities.
- An explanation of existence
- Meaning and purpose
- A moral and ethical framework
- A distinction between the sacred and the profane
- Understanding suffering and evil (why do bad things happen to good people)
- The supernatural or transcendent dimension (continuity after death)
- Community and identity
- Transformation and salvation
- Symbols, narratives, and stories
- Humanity’s place in the natural and cosmic order
Other than community and identity, these common beliefs tie directly with the previous question. We humans look to something or somethings beyond us to answer hard questions and perform tasks that are outside our worldly abilities. We want to know why innocent children suffer while tyrants thrive.
I have a close relationship with the community aspect of the belief systems. One of the primary reasons I rejoined a church after many years of absence was the need to establish community. In fact, I joined the men’s groups at Unity Unitarian before I began attending Sunday services. I grew to love the services, but that came after I found my people.
We are all explorers in the search for something new
inside each other
inside ourselves
and like Hansel and Gretel we leave a trail
but rather than crumbs
we drop words
actions, disappointments, beauty, betrayals, and tears
The measures of how far we’ve come
and how much we’ve left behind
How Do Humans Determine the Presence or Dynamics of a Higher Power?
We see changes in ourselves. We find that we are acting beyond our lizard brains and practicing the better, more evolved aspects of humanity. From my On Being Human list, a higher power help us to:
- contemplate mortality
- create and maintain traditions and rituals
- accept, forgive, and heal
- make choices beyond our instinctual desires
- express love and empathy for others
Is a higher power absolutely necessary for the above? No, but I have found that embracing mine allows me to look beyond myself in order to set those concepts in motion. A higher power pushes me to move past my selfish and self-seeking tendencies. History has proven that I need something that isn’t me to find my better self. As Pogo famously said, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”
How Do I Experience a Higher Power?
Even though my higher power is no longer me, it freely inhabits my thoughts. It lets me know right from wrong as I undulate between the two. It is the voice that speaks when there is something worth saying and I need to hear it. Sometimes it is hardly more than a whisper, but it is also capable of bellowing like a megaphone.
It says to me “Do you really want to do that?” when I am hellbent on doing what I know is completely misguided. On the flip-side, it freely tells me “Doesn’t that make you feel better?” when I make the necessary course correction.
It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen. Muhammad Ali
How Does My Higher Power Concept Impact My Life?
Since opening myself up to a force beyond me, I am a much easier person to live with. While I am far from perfect, people generally find me trustworthy. Regretfully, that was not always the case. I am respected for who I am and can be counted on to follow through on my commitments. I no longer feel the need to always be right. I apologize and make amends when I fall short. I work hard to find joy in mundane yet necessary tasks.
My higher power asks me to dig deeper into who I am, where I am going, and what can I do to make a positive difference in my world. It’s my better self put into motion.
Thinking Outside of the Pew
It’s pretty clear that my higher power is not the supernatural being of most major religions. It is definitely not the one of my Catholic upbringing. Despite the lack of a crystal ball or the ability to predict anything beyond my next meal (and I am not all that good at that), I don’t ever see me needing anything like that in my life. I know who I am at the core and an all powerful god or goddess does not fit my needs.
Still, I recognize that I am not the man I was ten plus years ago. I am no longer afraid to allow mystery and the unknowable into my life. While I throw around names for my higher power — universe, cosmos, blessed community, the divine — nothing ever sticks. Assigning a name is the least of my concerns, though. The most important thing is that I have grown to recognize and heed a force that invites me to become my better self. I called it a voice in the above text, but it is really more of an understanding. An understanding that I am not alone and have a humble destiny to fulfill that is greater than my human wants and needs. It was always there and I now choose to listen to it — the new trick for the old dog.
And then there is the joy. Working on building my spiritual core has allowed me to see and appreciate the simple miracles of ordinary life. Whether it’s holding my youngest grandson or quiet moments in nature, I have learned to recognize and celebrate the gifts of the universe. My higher power has told me in no uncertain terms that I am worthy of love both given and received. Sadly, that was not always the case and to be where I am today is something I celebrate each and every day.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu
The Coming of Age program is designed for young teenagers who are just beginning their quest for a spiritual framework. As a much older man, I have been working on mine for a very long time. There have been countless false starts and retreats, but I have reached the point in my life where I have time, willingness, and an open enough mind (I am still working on that last one). While I don’t expect or ask for epiphanies, I welcome any that fall into my lap.
As with anything of great magnitude, my higher power journey is and will most likely remain a work in progress for quite some time. It has also proven to be more difficult to put into words than I expected. I was hoping to have said more and gone deeper, but this will have to do for now. There are still three more questions to tackle before I present my statement to my fellow travelers this spring. Chances are very high that I will return to this one many times over the next several month.
Thank you for reading.
She pulls and unfastens
she unclips and lets all drop to the floor
Stepping out and kicking aside
like a burlesque dancer
undulating to unvoiced singing
this flower sheds her pastel petals one by one
Finding her true colors
beneath all those frills
Can You Hear Me Now 
Leave a comment