Can You Hear Me Now

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I began an on-again, off-again relationship with Unitarianism sometime in the late 1990s. Admittedly, I was introduced to the religion by my wife who grew up Unitarian. I was raised a Catholic, but somewhere in my early to middle teenage years, I had a falling out with the Catholic church and wasn’t much of anything for many decades. Returning to a church of any sort was not something I planned on doing, but I was willing to try something new for the sake of my family.

While I found the core of Unitarianism principles appealing, I continued to have an arms-length approach to religion and wasn’t ready to fully commit myself to anything. So, although I attended Sunday services on a fairly regular basis, I was more of a lurker than anything else.

Despite my reticence, my children attended religious studies and at the age of 14, went through the Coming of Age process. Coming of Age is a program of spiritual exploration that culminates in the creation of a personal credo. During the months long process, the young people address these five questions.

• What does it mean to be human and alive?
• What is the nature of a higher power?
• What does it mean to be in a beloved community?
• How do we live in the face of death and loss?
• How is the sacred present in each of us?

As a young Catholic boy, I attended Confirmation classes, but rather than developing my own sense of being and spiritual beliefs, I parroted what the church told me to be and believe. Other than choosing a Confirmation name, there was nothing personal about the process.

Fun fact. Back when I went through Catholic Confirmation, I was told to choose a saint for my Confirmation name. I chose John. However, this John was not a saint. Instead, he was my favorite Beatle at the time, John Lennon. I, of course, did not tell the priest or bishop that and until this day it has been my little secret.

60 or so years after my Catholic Confirmation, I decided that I need to call for a do-over. Although I am back to being a regular attendee (willingly this time around), I am too old to join the church youth in their classes. Still, there is nothing stopping me from exploring the five Coming of Age questions on my own. Today, I tackle most of the first.

What does it mean to be human and alive?

Are you familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Developed in the 1940s, Maslow’s Hierarchy defines the needs and goals of human behavior. It begins with our physiological, bodily needs and progresses towards the needs of the mind. From basic sustenance to a moral code.

As I contemplated the question of being human, I thought about what separates us from the rest of the animal world. For that, I chose to compare myself against three different animals — the slug, the hamster, and the dolphin. In my mind, these three animals represent a particular class of animal. For lack of better words, they go from lowest (slug) to highest (human). All life forms exist on the Hierarchy, but each has a stopping place as it moves up the pyramid.

All animals share the bottom two layers. We all need food, water, sleep, warmth, mating, and oxygen. We also require some level of physical safety from both the elements and other animals. It get’s trickier if we include emotional safety, but if I limit emotions to simply fear, I still believe that all animals rise to the second level.

Moving to the Belonging level, we lose the slug. Other than mating, the slug has no need for other slugs. That isn’t true for hamsters, dolphins, or humans. Animals that rise to this level seek companionship, want to create and maintain family units, and thrive best when they are part of a group or groups.

Fun fact: One of the most striking features of slug reproduction is hermaphroditism. Almost all terrestrial slugs have both male and female reproductive organs, enabling them to exchange genetic material with any other mature individual of their species. Mating can last for several hours or even days, and during the process, both slugs exchange sperm.

Climbing the pyramid to Self Esteem we lose the hamsters, but from my understanding, dolphins demonstrate enough characteristics to allow them into the Self Esteem club. They show signs of achievement, competence, authority, and independence. Other than mindlessly spinning his wheel through the night, my pet hamster, Hammy, never showed signs of any of that.

While dolphins do express some aspects of Self Actualization (e.g. empathy and altruism), they are at best minimal. Unlike humans, they do not pursue their passions, master skills or professions (other than those required for survival), express creativity, don’t have (or need) a work-life balance, create art, or develop a sense of purpose. Whether this has to do with language or opposable thumbs is immaterial. These are the expressions of life that make humans unique in the animal world. Sorry dolphins. This is also where I am going to start my definition of what it means to be human.

Being Human

This is still very much a work in progress, but here is my hodgepodge definition of a human.

A human is a living being that:

• can think, ponder, and question beyond that which is required for basic survival.
• longs to be heard, understood, accepted, appreciated, respected, and loved.
• feels the need to leave some form of legacy.
• uses imagination to envision what does not exist.
• can make choices beyond instinctual desires.
• expresses love and empathy for others.
• contemplates mortality.
• creates, tells, and listens to stories.
• understands the notion of art and beauty.
• is capable of accepting, forgiving, and healing.
• desires to know its place and role in the universe.
• creates and maintains traditions and rituals.
• appreciates and practices humor.
• contemplates the differences between right and wrong.

I am purposely excluding anything driven or powered by artificial intelligence. AI technology is advancing at such a rate that it is becoming nearly impossible to distinguish machines from homo sapiens. However, despite the wonders of sophisticated robots and thinking machines, they are still based on electronic circuitry and do not come close to the complexities of flesh, blood, bone, and organ. They can act as if they are thinking (much of which is simply reorganizing the existing creative output of humans), but they are not living organisms. In a religious sense, they do not possess a soul.

This leads me to the question, “When do we become human?” Many of the Self Actualization characteristics are not achievable straight from the womb. Babies are born with the need to be heard, understood, and loved, but they don’t start out telling stories or contemplating right from wrong. These are things they grow into and unless there is an overwhelming mental or psychological disability, Self Actualization is not out of reach for anyone– even the worst of us.

I am just a human being trying to make it in a world that is rapidly losing its understanding of being human. John Trudell

Speaking of the worst of us, I am working hard to not define humanity and being human as what I want it to be. I am not trying to separate them-that-have-it from them-that-do-not. There are many people in this world that I vehemently disagree with regarding their behaviors and systems of belief, but they are as human as I am. I will not dehumanize anyone no matter how far apart we are in terms of our expressed humanity. I am no better than anyone and no one is better than me. We may think or act very differently, but we do that from a shared place of humanness. This is true for every person who graces or has ever graced this planet.

Do not judge me by the scars I bear
for they are not of my doing
nor should you dwell on these cuts and bruises
no matter how deep and bloodied
they too are not the real me

Rather, look into these eyes
filled with raging fire
take hold of these hands and feel their power to crush
yet their willingness to heal
press an ear to my chest
and hear the sound of a heart that will not stop beating

For I am not the outward mutilations
that paint the skin and mask my inner being
I run so much deeper than flesh

We Are All Broken

Sadly, we often lose our way on this journey known as life. This is definitely true when it comes to knowing and practicing right and wrong. Because of this, I need to add one more human character trait.

• a species capable of realizing the need for change.

The ability to change allows humans like me to remain human despite our flaws and shortcomings — of which I have many. We are all broken people, but we have the power to repair that brokenness. That may be the most important gift of being human.

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. Ernest Hemingway

The Not So Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I have purposely left out all the negative human stuff. In addition to the above positive characteristics, we are also capable of lying, cheating, indiscriminately killing, ghosting, gas lighting, vanity, backstabbing, bullying, boasting, belittling, gloating, jealousy, condescension, sidelining, ranting, arrogance, apathy, playing the victim, jumping to conclusions, micromanaging, overpromising, rage, bitterness, mudslinging, denying, gossiping, envy, manipulation, shaming, greed, pouting, slandering, scapegoating, conceit, overconfidence, narcissism, disdain, and any number of other reprehensible behaviors not shared with the rest of the animal kingdom. Perhaps being a slug isn’t so bad, after all.

While these negative traits also make up what it means to be uniquely human, I am going to focus on the positive. Acknowledging, while not denying, our darker aspects is enough for now. This is my spiritual blueprint and quest to move to a better place.

A Marathon and Not a Sprint

Given the limited amount of time I have so far tendered to the question “what does it mean to be human,” I acknowledge that I have barely scratched the surface and have yet to fully tackle the “what does it mean to be alive” part. That will come soon enough, though. I already have a head full of ideas.

I don’t believe that what I’ve written is necessarily wrong. It’s just that it is far from complete. Like all the complex questions I have faced in life, my answers evolve as I evolve. This one will be no different.

The joy of any worthwhile adventure is discovery and I expect to uncover much joy during my personal Coming of Age process — joy and a lot of retracing my steps. Nothing will come without having to jettison ideas I’ve held onto for far too long. Still, I welcome the challenges that come from the five questions. This is not the 12-year-old Catholic Confirmation tell-me-what-to-say Andrew. This is the 67-year-old Andrew trying to figure out where I am going, how I got here, and why does it matter. That “why” part might be the most important thing gained from this endeavor.

Please bear with me as I stumble through this. Better yet, join with me and make this a shared experience. I welcome the company.

Thank you for reading.

I wear the ink of every blow I’ve ever landed
of every hurt I’ve caused
I bear the marks of all the wrongs brought upon me
the tattoos of anger and betrayal

Shadows of people I’ve loved
and those who shared their love with me
I am decorated with a catalog of human emotions
from lust to disappointment
from rapture to disgust

In blacks and grays
in every color, shade, and hue
these are the lines of my existence
these are the pictures painted from my actions
and the actions painted by others

Look at me from head to foot
see me as I am
the body art that is my life
may there always be room for more