Can You Hear Me Now

There are children playing in the streets who could solve some of my top problems in physics, because they have modes of sensory perception that I lost long ago.

J. Robert Oppenheimer

After hearing my youngest daughter-in-law rave about it, I bought the game Do You Really Know Your Family. The game is comprised of cards that either ask questions or pose challenges. Example questions include:

• What was your favorite subject in school?
• What is your least favorite household chore?
• Who do you most look like?

The game is played by one player choosing a card, silently answering the question, reading the card out-loud, and then having the other players guess the answer. The player that gets it right keeps the card. The next player chooses a new card and the game continues until you decide you’ve played long enough. At least that’s the way we end it.

The challenge cards are usually very silly and so I ignore them. They also don’t give insights into a person’s personality and those insights are what I am looking for.

The game has become a favorite with our 11-year-old granddaughter. I haven’t asked her why, but I suspect she enjoys learning obscure information about her parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents. She is very curious about where she came from and where she might be going.

It’s also interesting discovering new things about her. This is especially true in the cases where I am pretty sure about something only to learn how that something is yesterday’s news. Case in point:

Her: “Who is my favorite singer.”

Me: “Taylor Swift.”

Her: “Yuk! That’s so fourth grade, Boppa!”

Having been her age, I know all about quickly evolving musical tastes (and tastes in general). I moved from The Peter Pan Players to The Archies to Alice Cooper practically overnight.

Years later, I still have a soft spot for The Coop, but these days it’s mostly nostalgia. That is until I’m Eighteen comes on the radio and I sing like my teenage self — loud, with gusto, and generally off-key. Some things will never change.

That’s You All Over

We recently played the game and I pulled a card that read, “Describe yourself in one word.” My brain immediately started pondering the possibilities. I went through “responsible,” “industrious,” “creative,” and “persistent” before settling on “analytical.” Being a good problem solver has always been one of my strengths and analytical felt just right.

After I said “ready,” my granddaughter started on her list of guesses — energetic, kind, helpful, playful, funny, and friendly. Every one of her answers were about as far from analytical as you can get.

That’s when it hit me. While she sees me a loving grandfather who isn’t afraid to run around the front yard as she assaults me with a squirt gun, my perception of who I am is stuck back in my many decades of a being a corporate worker bee. I always prided myself on being analytical, but that’s because it served the purpose of being a competent computer programmer and decent communications consultant — neither of which is all that important to me these days.

More important to today’s Andrew is exactly what she said. I want to be thought of as kind, playful, and funny. I want to be someone people enjoy being around because of who I am and not because of what I do or what I presume to know. My granddaughter’s impressions of me are exactly the image I hope to project to the world.

As for her calling me “energetic,” that comes with the territory and there is nothing I can do about it. Thankfully, she did not guess “loud.” That is something I would like to change, but nature and nurture have made that darn near impossible.

Like a stained glass window
that refracts and diffuses but does not hide
or a sheath of water that distorts but cannot conceal
I see beyond the exterior
the translucent walls and the flimsy outer shell

I seek
I gaze
I find

With a pair of eyes that refuse to look away

This got me to think of how important her perception of me is to our relationship. It’s true that I can be funny and playful. I can also be way too serious. While there is nothing inherently wrong with that, it’s not a place I want to dwell in for too long. I don’t want to pull the “describe yourself” card again and have her or another grandchild start their guesses with “serious.” While I may sometimes act that way, I don’t want to be that way.

Of course, this is how an 11-year-old granddaughter thinks of me. I wonder how the older people in my family might answer the same question? I can certainly think of a few things I would never want them to say, but honesty is always appreciated.

If you are curious to read more on these less than desirable character traits, take a look at my Entirely Ready article.

I would like to think that I am also understanding, forgiving, and curious. Those are the traits necessary for a little personal growth and that’s something I will always welcome.

What is your word? Ask yourself, and if you are brave enough, ask others. You may be in for a little growth opportunity, too.

Thank you for reading.

Beneath the layers one upon the other
tucked away and safe from inquisitive prying eyes

Beyond the expectations of proper and right
past the guardians of conformity and expectancy
finger-wagging one and all

Lies a secret
disguised and hidden

Surprise