Can You Hear Me Now

All of us are put in boxes by our family, by our religion, by our society, our moment in history, even our own bodies. Some people have the courage to break free.

Geena Rocero

I have said and done far too many unkind and thoughtless things in my life. Some are long forgotten, but there are those that will stay with me forever.

One incident in particular will forever haunt me. It happened at Loloma Elementary School when I was I was around 10 or 11. The teacher had us play a question and answer game that involved the students moving around the classroom in a musical chairs way. I can’t recall the details of the game, but I remember not being able to answer a question and was required to sit at whatever empty desk I was standing next to. That desk belonged to Jackie. Jackie was the butt of far too many adolescent jokes and all the boys began taunting me that if I sat in her chair I was going to catch her filthy girl cooties.

I listened to those taunts and rather than calling them out and sitting in Jackie’s chair, I crouched down on the floor beside her desk. I remember the look on Jackie’s face. I don’t recall tears, but it was clear that my hurtful action deeply wounded her. I knew I was doing the wrong thing. Even so, I stayed where I was until the game was over. I am not sure if our teacher wasn’t paying attention or if she didn’t care, but nothing was said.

Maya Angelo famously spoke these words:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

That day, I could have made a small difference in Jackie’s life. I could have stood up to the taunting boys and spared her the look of shame on her face. Instead, I took the coward’s way out and bowed to hateful peer pressure. I made her feel unlikable and unclean. I have no idea if Jackie remembers that day or the many other days where she was bullied, but nearly 60 years later I do and I am still tortured by my actions and how I could have done so much better.

Ours is no Caravan of Despair

Today is the annual Transgender Day of Visibility (TDOV). It’s a day to honor transgender, nonbinary, and gender-expansive people. It also a day to draw attention to the poverty, discrimination, and violence faced by the trans community.

Today is also the first TDOV that follows the current president’s executive order that restricts the rights of transgender Americans. This order impacts their ability to serve in the military, participate in school sports, and obtain government documents that reflect their gender identity. It’s yet another of his disgusting executive orders designed to divide Americans into different groups.

I am not transgender. Nor am I Black, Hispanic, Asian, Muslim, Jewish, female, an immigrant, gay, or any other category of human that is facing rising discrimination and hatred. I am a privileged white male who has never been turned away because of the color of my skin, who I loved, my spiritual practices, or the gender I identify with. I am very fortunate and I know it.

I am also no longer the frightened boy who was too afraid to stand up to bullying and do the right thing for Jackie. No longer will I sit on the floor while people are being unjustly attacked. My actions and inactions have consequences and I am choosing to take the side of the oppressed and maligned. The privileged have more than enough support.

I will never know what it means to be transgender, but that does not stop me from being an advocate. I know how my past acquiescence to fear and hatred can hurt nearly as much as those who shout their prejudices or sign them into proclamations.

Pushing
pressing
raising your voice above the din and clutter
making room for those who deserve to be heard

Gone are the reasons for silence
scattered like dry leaves on a windy day
gone is the lamb
here stands the lion
roaring
stretching
fighting to be seen

Come, Come, Whoever You are

Martin Niemöller wrote this as the Nazis rose to power in the 1930s:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out.

Whether they come for me or not, they are coming for people I love and I refuse to be silent. Please join me today and celebrate our beautiful trans community. Do the right thing and speak out against hatred, prejudice, and misunderstanding. Celebrate their lives in the same way you celebrate the lives of those who look and love as you do. One day they may need to do the same for you.

Thank you for reading.

P.S. Saturday, April 5th is Hands Off day. People all around the country are gathering to protest the Republican attacks on democracy. If there is a march in your area, please join it. If there is no march, start one. Let your voice be heard and your presence known. As always, side with love.

I fight for her
the girl who knows she is different
taunted and hated for being who she is
for the boy living in the shadow of fear
afraid for the knock that carries him away
for the timid and the voiceless
for the lost and the forgotten
the Christian
the atheist
the Muslim
the Hindu
the Jew

I fight with words and I fight with actions
with feet on the street
coins and dollar bills

And yes, I fight for myself
fiercely and forcibly
lest no one is left to fight for me