Can You Hear Me Now

I close my eyes, then I drift away, into the magic night I softly say. A silent prayer, like dreamers do, then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you.

Roy Orbison

My history with prayer has not been a good one. I was raised Catholic and rather than prayer being a means to grow closer to God, it felt more like punishment for having messed up. Whether it was disobeying my parents or being a brat to my older brothers, Father McGuire regularly assigned me three “Our Fathers” and two “Hail Marys” to atone for my shortcomings. I did both by rote and then kept them at bay until it was time for my next confession. This pattern was repeated until sometime in my early teenage years when I rejected both prayer and the Catholic church.

Fast forward 50-plus years and I find myself in a very different head-space. Although the Catholicism ship sailed a long time ago, my heart and mind are open to exploring and developing an honest sense of spirituality. I am learning to remove me from the center of my universe and embrace the realization that there are mysteries in life which are better felt than explained.

This doesn’t mean that I have a need for a supernatural god or gods. I have been able to find grace without magic, direction without dogma or creed. Rather than being ruled by an old, white haired, smiteful man in the sky, I look to the entirety of the universe for wisdom, guidance, and support. I find the same truths in the leaves of a tree as I do in being a responsible grandfather, friend, or husband. I am bound up in the love that connects me to a world well beyond my understanding.

Help, Thanks, Wow

Which leads me back to prayer.

Several years ago I discovered Ann Lamont and her amazing book Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers. Her premise is quite simple. As the title states, prayer is basically some form of Help, Thanks, or Wow. It doesn’t need to be wrapped up in flowery language or memorized text and it doesn’t drive us to our knees (unless that is what we choose to do). It is acknowledging who we are, where we are headed, and what we require to make it though the day.

Personally, I need help — far more often than I care to admit. For most of my adult life, I thought I could go it alone and if it wasn’t something I felt I could handle by myself, it wasn’t worth doing. This left me stuck in unhealthy places and ultimately feeling very alone and frightened.

I have since learned to ask for help and discovered that help always comes to me. Perhaps not in the way I envisioned it, but I have also learned that its delivery mechanism is not for me to decide. In fact, the most surprising and unexpected forms of help are often the most useful.

It’s essential that I freely give thanks. My life has been blessed in so many ways. My family is healthy. I turn on a faucet and water comes out. I sleep in a warm bed every night. There are people who love me unconditionally, Bombs and missiles are not raining down from the sky above me. I have money in the bank, good friends who are willing to hold me up, meaningful purpose, and my refrigerator is full of healthy (and sometimes not so healthy) food. I do not take these gifts and privileges for granted.

My thanks are often spoken out-loud, but that’s not a necessity. I give thanks by being present when someone is speaking. By paying my blessings forward. Speaking at senior centers about fraud. Donating to worthy causes. Showing up and doing meaningful work. Marching for what I believe in. There are endless opportunities for me to show gratitude and each one is a tiny prayer.

Fun fact: My church’s Wellspring Wednesday dinners begin with this simple prayer:

We give thanks. We give thanks for being. We give thanks for being here. We give thanks for being here together.

Let’s face it, life is freaking amazing and every day we are given multiple opportunities to shout “Wow!” Be it a breathtaking sunset or seeing my two-year-old grandson figure out something that previously baffled him, I am surrounded by miracles. Some are big, but most are small and easily missed. No matter the size, though, all I need to do is open my heart to experience and acknowledge them.

Once I understood the power of Help, Thanks, and Wow, prayer became simple and something I practice throughout the day. Even now as I write this missive, I am experiencing Help and Thanks.

Help me find the words I need in order to express my thoughts. There are days when I cannot type fast enough to keep up with my brain, but all too often each sentence is a laborious task. It’s then that I call upon my muse to push me forward.

Thanks for being given a life that allows me to sit quietly and pontificate. For too many people, this is a luxury they are not permitted to enjoy. I am privileged with both time and resources.

Without words or movement
without sight and touch
I am lost in prayer
a muted mantra blissful and deep

Searching for illumination
in a silent, expansive way

Om

My mind is too busy and cluttered to be a good meditator. I have tried, but sitting down and concentrating on nothing, or reciting a mantra over and over again doesn’t work for me. I struggle with letting a thought come in and then allowing that thought to flow back out. I get hung up in the minutia of life. There are taxes to file. A kitchen to clean. Clothes to put away. Did you see that squirrel?

However, I can hop on my bike and ride for hours. I allow the natural world to embrace and lovingly remind me just how small I am. I sit with my Irish banjo and lose myself for hours in jigs, reels, and hornpipes. I chop vegetables and wait patiently for a pot of water to boil.

While I may never be good at traditional meditation, these mindful tasks calm my brain and bring serenity. I will never give up on attempting to master navel gazing, but it will be a journey and not a planned destination. Meditation will arrive when I am entirely ready to say, “Welcome, I’ve been looking forward to this moment.”

Thank you, dear readers, for taking time out of your day to read my wandering thoughts. I appreciate every one of you.

And finally, open your eyes to the miracles in your life and don’t ever be afraid to shout “Wow!”

Can I get an Amen?

Like an angler
tossing a line into dark and clouded waters
or a miner saying a prayer as he breaks dirt and rock
I write my dreams on slips of paper
stuff them into bottles and toss them out to sea

Who will read them
who will care
who will send them back to me