Can You Hear Me Now

There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.

Matt Haig

A few years ago I was asked if I had a mental illness. The reason for the question is not important to this article, but the question is. This was a trusted friend who was seriously wondering how certain personality traits of mine should be classified. Were they quirks, character flaws, peculiarities, concerning behaviors that should be explored by a professional, or all of the above?

I must admit that I was caught completely off-guard and responded with a resounding “no.” How could I, a successful software developer, public speaker, author of six patents, and creator of one of the most widely read technical blogs in the world have a mental illness? I wasn’t Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I didn’t try to kill my family with an axe or talk to ghosts. Neither was I Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. I didn’t fabricate a roommate and cover my windows with mathematical equations. I led what I thought to be a normal life doing normal things.

I then started taking the question a little deeper. There are aspects of me that might be classified as different. For example, when working on a difficult problem I have been known to go into a trance-like state. I was first made aware of this many years ago when I came out of my trance to face a room of people wondering where I went. I brushed off the awkwardness by presenting them with a fully developed solution to our issue. Everybody laughed, congratulated me, and we moved on. This has happened countless times since then.

There are several more differences I could share, but this isn’t a therapist session and I deserve a little privacy. I will say that if you were to read up on the characteristics of ADHD and Asperger’s, you might find a few things that fit my personality.

Family of Origin

While my father was never diagnosed as such, it was clear to me and anyone who spent any time with Dad that he was on the autism scale. He was awash in obsessions, fears, and social awkwardness.

At the same time, Dad was very successful in his work-life and had a long, fruitful career at Motorola. As I wrote in previous blog articles, Dad worked on the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo missions and received significant recognition for his contributions to the United States space program. I am sure that at times some/many/all of his colleagues thought him odd, but none doubted his abilities.

Similar stories could be told about the rest of the Prokop clan. Whatever Dad dealt with was shared up and down the lineage.

It’s Written in the Stars

Several years ago a friend did my astrological chart. While I don’t put any stock into this kind of stuff, there was one observation that stuck out.

Venus in men is the planet of “what sort of people are they attracted to.” Do you find yourself attracted to rather nutty people?

Replace “nutty” with words like “nonconformant,” “eccentric,” “unconventional,” “whimsical,” or “uncommon” and you just described many of my best friends and the most important people in my life. I have always been drawn to people who march to their own drummer. I love their peculiarities, curiosity, off-the-wall thinking, passion, intelligence, and willingness to do things differently — intentionally or not. I get bored with folks who wrap themselves in cloaks of normality.

The Island of Misfit Toys

It’s my belief that many of the world’s most important historical figures could be classified as misfits — people like Wolfgang Mozart, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Charles Darwin, Michelangelo, and Emily Dickinson. They were all brilliant, accomplished, and strange.

In my work life, some of my most amazing and memorable coworkers have also been that same wonderful mix of brilliant, accomplished, and strange. They may have been a bit unorthodox in their behaviors (some excessively so), but they did great things and pushed me to do the same. Whether it was their sometimes maddening obsession for detail or their ability to come up with crazy ideas that turned out to be strokes of genius, my job was enriched by acknowledging, listening, and letting them be themselves.

I worked with Karl (not his real name) from the late 1980s to the mid 1990s. Not only was he a brilliant programmer, he spoke several languages (including classical Greek), was a trained classical pianist and organist, and maintained a blog on mathematical sequences. This odd combination of skills allowed him to design and build some of the most elegant software I have ever been involved in.

He was also extremely socially awkward and had a tendency to push away people with his too-honest observations. As his closest coworker, I was often subjected to his mood shifts and over time learned how to give him the space he needed.

I was also Karl’s biggest advocate acting as a buffer between Karl and our management, fellow coworkers, customers, and business partners. I recognized that he could not do this on his own and his enormous talents would have been wasted if people only saw him as a weird and difficult man to get along with. Our teamwork lasted for many years and this arrangement allowed us to do incredible things together. Of all my working life, those years are some of my favorite and most rewarding.

One of my most memorable moments with Karl involved a very difficult problem we were both trying to solve. After a few days of trial and error, I came up with the solution in the middle of the night and proudly explained it to Karl the next day. When I was finished he sat there staring off into space. After many long seconds he said, “I am trying to figure out why this won’t work and I can’t.“ I still smile about it.

Take Action

May was Mental Health Awareness Month, but recognizing that genius comes in very unexpected packages is a yearlong activity. We need to remove the stigmas placed on folks who are different. This especially true in the workplace where conformity is too often encouraged.

• Make room for those of us who are on the peculiar side and give us the chance to wow you. I know we can.
• Develop policies that are inclusive, welcoming, supportive, accommodating, and affirming.
• Create an advocate program to help those who need a little extra assistance in managing corporate life.
• Speak up about your own unique needs.

As the late Senator Paul Wellstone said, “We all do better when we all do better.”

Thank you for listening.

It’s all about balance she said
balance and clinging to the center
the core
but as for me, I am drawn to the sway
the flow between the extremes
feast, famine, deny, indulge, stillness, and noise
returning to the fulcrum for respite and breath
before casting myself wild and free
riding the wind to the place that is me
balanced or not